When a parent or grandparent is living with dementia, the person who shapes most of their day is often the family’s live-in helper. Being a good dementia caregiver at home is less about clinical skill and more about a calm, predictable routine that your helper can follow every day. This guide sets out a simple daily structure, from waking to bedtime, along with ways to handle common behaviours, keep the home safe and know when more support is needed.
The aim is not perfection. It is consistency, simplicity and safety with dignity. A person with dementia often finds change and rushing upsetting, and a day that runs in the same order can lower anxiety for them and stress for everyone else in the household.
We also cover the practical side for Singapore employers: government-supported caregiver training, Agency for Integrated Care (AIC) resources, and the MOM rules that still apply, such as her rest day.
This is general guidance, not medical advice. Your family member’s doctor or care team should guide anything to do with diagnosis, medication, diet changes or swallowing. In an emergency, such as choking, a bad fall or sudden collapse, call 995.
Three principles behind every good routine
Agree on these with your helper before planning the hours of the day.
- Consistency. Keep the same order and roughly the same times for waking, meals, rest and bedtime. When something must change, change it slowly and explain it with short, reassuring phrases.
- Simplicity. Give one instruction at a time, in concrete words. Pointing, showing and gently demonstrating usually work better than long explanations.
- Safety with dignity. Let your family member do as much as they can for themselves. Your helper guides only when needed and praises small wins.
The SingHealth HealthXchange guidance for dementia caregivers makes the same point: a steady daily routine with engaging activities can reduce agitation and improve sleep, and it also gives the caregiver regular breathing space. AIC suggests building it around the person’s likes, abilities and most alert times of day, so ask your helper to observe for a week or two first.
A simple daily routine for dementia care at home
Treat this as a template. Shift the times to suit your family member, but keep the order stable once it works.
Morning: start calm and set the tone
- Wake gently, with natural light or soft music rather than an alarm.
- Guide them to the toilet first, then washing and dressing in the same sequence every day.
- Lay clothes out in the order they go on, starting with underwear, then the top, then the bottoms, to reduce confusion.
- Offer water first, then a familiar breakfast on a plate that contrasts with the food so it is easy to see.
- Give any prescribed medication at the same time each day, using a pill organiser and a tick-off log.
- Finish with five to ten minutes of light movement, such as stretching or a slow walk along the corridor, to signal that the day has begun.
Daytime: purposeful blocks
Plan the day in cycles of about 90 to 120 minutes, each following the same pattern of activity, then rest, then a drink or snack. Rotate between three kinds of activity:
- Thinking and senses: music from their younger years, photo albums, simple puzzles, or sorting safe household items.
- Movement: short walks, chair exercises, watering plants or light sweeping.
- Helping around the home: laying cutlery, wiping the table, folding towels or matching socks. Tasks that feel useful matter a great deal to many people with dementia.
The National Neuroscience Institute’s advice on planning routines notes that boredom and loneliness can cause a person with dementia to act up, and suggests walks after meals, light housework and an hour each morning and afternoon for hobbies. It also warns that rushing can cause anxiety and agitation, so start getting ready earlier on clinic days.
Mealtimes and hydration
Familiar, aromatic meals usually work best. Offer smaller portions more often, clear the table of clutter, and seat your family member upright with their feet supported. If they eat slowly, let them. Keep a visible drinks station with water or a preferred tea, and ask your helper to note roughly how much they drink, as low intake is easy to miss in our hot, humid weather. Any diet change or texture change, such as pureed food, should follow the advice of the doctor, dietitian or speech therapist.
Toileting and hygiene
Schedule toilet visits rather than waiting for urgency: on waking, after meals, mid-afternoon and before bed. Clear signs on the toilet door, night lights along the route and clothing that is easy to unfasten all help. If there is resistance at bath time, lower the stimulation with a quiet room and a warm towel, try hand-over-hand guidance, and offer a choice of two, such as “blue shirt or green shirt?”
Evening and sleep
Build a fixed wind-down sequence: a warm caffeine-free drink, a light snack, the toilet, washing, a calming activity and then low lights. Avoid caffeine and large drinks late in the day. NNI also suggests keeping daytime naps short, about 20 minutes if one is needed, to help with night-time sleep. If your family member wakes in the night, your helper should keep it brief and low key: a soft voice, minimal light, simple reassurance and back to bed.
Handling common behaviours calmly
Many difficult moments have a cause the person cannot put into words, so teach your helper to look for the trigger first.
- Agitation: soften the lighting and noise, turn off a loud television, offer a comforting object or music, and reduce choices to two.
- Repeated questions: acknowledge the feeling behind the question, answer briefly and kindly, then move on to a familiar activity.
- Refusal: check the HALT triggers (hungry, angry, lonely or tired) and also whether they might be thirsty, in pain or unwell, then try again later with a different approach.
- Sundowning, or late-day restlessness: put stimulating activities in the morning and keep the late afternoon for calm routines, warm light, soft music and predictable steps towards dinner and bed.
A sudden change in behaviour, worse confusion or new drowsiness can signal an infection or other medical problem, so your helper should tell you at once.
Home safety and wandering
Door chimes and motion-sensor lights alert your helper when someone gets up. Remove trip hazards such as loose rugs and trailing cables, and lock away cleaning chemicals, medicines and sharp tools. If mirrors cause distress, cover them.
For wandering, the guidance from Changi General Hospital’s Department of Psychological Medicine suggests keeping a diary to spot when it happens, using an identity bracelet or card with their name, address and family contact numbers, keeping handbags and house keys out of sight, and making the main door less obvious with a curtain. Keep a recent photo of your family member handy, and let a trusted neighbour know the situation.
If they do go missing, your helper should stay calm, search the home and nearby familiar places, and call you at once. If the immediate search finds nothing, contact the police and tell them the person has dementia. Singapore also has a network of Dementia Go-To Points, community locations where trained staff help seniors who appear lost to reconnect with their families. When your family member comes home, avoid scolding, reassure them and return to the usual routine.
Your helper’s daily log
One page a day is enough. Ask your helper to note meals and drinks, medication given, activities, toilet visits, mood or behaviours, and sleep times. Over a week, patterns start to show, for example agitation after a late nap or poor sleep after a busy afternoon. The log also gives the doctor a clear picture at appointments, and AIC suggests pinning the daily schedule somewhere everyone sees it, such as the fridge.
Training, support and the rules that still apply
Caregiver training for your helper
Your helper does not need to learn everything on the job. Under the Caregivers Training Grant, a migrant domestic worker can attend approved caregiving courses if she is the main caregiver of a Singapore citizen or PR who is 65 or older or has a disability. AIC states the grant is capped at $400 per care recipient each financial year. Choose a course from the approved catalogue and tell the trainer at least two weeks before it starts that you want to use the grant; the trainer handles the application. Before placement, Femme5 also pre-trains helpers in the basics of the home they are joining.
Financial support and levy
Families caring for someone with dementia may qualify for support. The concessionary maid levy of $60 a month applies for an eligible Singapore citizen aged 67 or above in the household, or a person with disabilities certified as needing help with at least one activity of daily living, with an AIC recommendation letter. The Home Caregiving Grant, applied for through AIC, pays up to $600 a month depending on household income, for a family member who permanently needs some help with at least three of the six activities of daily living. Our guide to maid levy rates and concessions explains the conditions in more detail.
Her rest day still counts
Caring for someone with dementia is tiring, and your helper needs real rest. Under MOM rules she is entitled to one rest day a week, and since 1 January 2023 at least one rest day a month cannot be compensated away. Plan who covers care on that day well in advance. Our guide to maid rest day rules covers the details.
When to add extra help
Speak to the doctor and consider more support if you notice frequent night wandering despite changes, coughing or choking at meals, repeated falls, behaviours that are quickly getting worse, or signs that your helper or family is burning out. NNI suggests looking at a dementia day care programme for more social contact and activity, and AIC can advise on care options on 1800 650 6060. As needs grow, a helper with elderly caregiving experience may suit better than a general placement.
Finally, hold a short weekly check-in with your helper: what worked, what to adjust and what appointments are coming up. Be specific with praise, for example “The towel-folding calmed Mum down in five minutes. Good choice.” Small, steady improvements add up.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can a domestic helper be a dementia caregiver at home?
Yes. Many Singapore families rely on a live-in helper for the daily care of a family member with dementia. She does best with a clear written routine, some caregiving training and a family member she can call when something changes, while medical decisions stay with the doctor and the family.
Is there government funding to train my helper in dementia care?
Yes. AIC’s Caregivers Training Grant covers a migrant domestic worker who is the main caregiver of a Singapore citizen or PR aged 65 or above, or with a disability, capped at $400 per care recipient each financial year. Tell the trainer at least two weeks before the course that you plan to use it.
What should my helper do if my parent with dementia goes missing?
She should stay calm, search the home and familiar places nearby, note what your parent was wearing and contact you immediately. If that search fails, call the police and say the person has dementia. An identity card or bracelet with your contact numbers helps the public or a Dementia Go-To Point get them home.
Does my helper still get a rest day if she cares for someone with dementia?
Yes. MOM requires one rest day a week, and at least one rest day a month that cannot be compensated away, whatever the care needs. If she agrees to work another rest day, pay at least one day’s salary, which is her monthly salary divided by 26.
When should we see a doctor or call 995?
See the doctor if behaviour or confusion suddenly gets worse, if your family member is eating or drinking much less, or if they cough or choke at meals. Call 995 for emergencies such as choking that does not clear, a fall with a suspected injury or head knock, difficulty breathing or unresponsiveness.
Conclusion
A good day for a person with dementia is a simple one: a calm morning, purposeful blocks of activity and rest, regular drinks and predictable meals, a safe home and a gentle evening wind-down. Write the routine down, keep a daily log, adjust slowly, and give your helper the training and rest she needs to keep going.
If you are looking for a helper who can support a family member living with dementia, we can help you find the right fit. You can get in touch with the Femme5 team to discuss your family’s needs, read more about how we work with employers, or explore what a good placement looks like.
The Femme5 Team
Maid placement specialists, Femme5 Maid Agency
Our consultants work with Singaporean and expatriate families on helper matching, contracts and MOM compliance, and we verify the regulatory guidance in our articles directly against the Ministry of Manpower’s published requirements.
